My Tlogs part 1

Today is 02/04/2023. I am writing this because I deeply feel something is changing around me. I know that a complete new phase is about to strike and I am going to enter it. Internship is about to end in 2 months. And this UG period is going to end. Either the PG preparation will start or I will enter a PG college. Though the chances are less but I will try. I have a very bad habit of losing interest soon. This present day so called ‘networking' has made our lives hell. Facebook, instagram, snapchat, pornsites, youtube shorts, are fucking disturbing. I use it and later on feel like i am such a creep looking into the personal lives of other ‘to be happy' people. Though deep within i know they are not. I have a friend who is a girl from my last coaching, i know she is dumb, though she portrays herself to be smart, logical, chilling around on social media but that is not true because i have observed her for long, around a year. So, i need to be away from these devils of my life. It will going to be a very hard journey but i will. I started a book by author Cal Newport, ‘DEEP WORK' and you won’t believe it takes patience to accept just the introduction part. Humans remain away from criticism because it kind of is a factor for losing confidence. But what i believe criticism is sometimes necessary but only from thoughtful intellectuals. Every other street person should not criticise you, i mean they can but you should not take it personal. I developed a habit of avoiding criticism by acting according to people. So that they remain happy and don’t say against me. But now i have realised its crazy. Why the hell do i care, i have my own life. I have to live it. I have to live it with my parents. I have to live it with my family. Yesterday my ex roommate called me to inform that he left his earphone in the post op ward of OBGY hospital and told me to pick it up so that it is not lost. I suddenly said yes that i would take care of it and i literally forgot. Yesterday night he called again at 1 am and i was high at that time so didn’t pick up. Today morning he called again and he was pissed. I was sorry for a moment but then I thought is it really my problem that he left his earphone there and do I really need to take care of it. Its not about disrespecting or not caring of that person. But on the cost of my time and my concentration over my life, i am now not going to act according to people. Being selfish is a different thing but i am now more concentrated over me. I want to roam freely i want to earn an ample amount of money that i don’t need to sacrifice over anything or my family doesn’t need to sacrifice over anything. I want to make enough money that if my friends borrow money from me, i have enough, that if they don’t return, it doesn’t matter. I want to be a sanatani. Sanatani in my world is a person who adds value to the world. I want to remove sorrow from world. I want to remove it from deep, i want to remove it from roots.

I want to make long lasting solutions. I want to bring change.

So these are all the things people generally talk about but only a few act. I know it is hard to act up on it because you have to remain away from all the worldly experiences and work in solitude, face oppression from people around you themselves. You will expect support but the people around you will try to pull you down. So don’t be afraid to try that because of the fear of facing oppression. Let’s continue later. Love you guys❤.